Poland: A Different Look On Life

When I spent my second year in Israel, I was grateful for an opportunity to obtain an internship for Heritage Seminars and go to Poland for a second time, but this time, as staff. I received a lot of feedback from family and close friends who encouraged me that this was an amazing opportunity. Others were convinced I'd be a good person for the job, but they were still puzzled. Why would you want to go...again? The question was never really asked, but I could tell it was one they were holding back. At the time I didn't understand their perspective, I just thought "Why wouldn't I want to go back again?"







After a day or two, I had gotten used to the fact that I was going, even though it still felt unreal, I began to prepare. Forgetting the opinions of others, I became fascinated in learning about the selfless acts of kindness many did while suffering through those horrible years of war. I started asking teachers advice on how to be there for others when they would be facing the atrocities committed to our people. Although most said all you can do is listen, I still kept reading, thinking and learning about how our people survived. So many educators give up sleep, precious time right before Pesach and weeks in the middle of the year away from family, to teach numerous young adults of a time unimaginable to them today. Time after time, trip after trip, each one is of paramount importance and they never think that each time isn't worth their time and effort. It was an enigma to me. Why do they put tons of energy into each trip? Don't they have files that they can just take out and reuse every time?







When I first went to Poland, I remembered coming back feeling numb all over and a little guilty that I barely showed any emotions, when I saw those horrific things done to my people face to face. Unable to eat completely normally, I went to help out some teachers and friends before Pesach. I would share with them where I went and what I saw. I spoke briefly in my seminary about my experience. It was so clear to me, only when I came back the second time, that I knew why I felt the need to go back again. I couldn't articulate it before but now I'm going to try.







Often, I take tons for granted and I don't always appreciate what I have. That was until I went to Poland and "saw" the Holocaust. I saw how they had next to nothing, something I cannot even comprehend, yet they still remained next to HaKadosh Baruch Hu. I always tell myself, "Estee, you really need to budget now, this time for real," but most times I go back to my old ways of spending. I also do the "Okay, Estee, tomorrow you're going to daven Mincha ahead of the zman". Most of my pep talks aren't that effective, actually very few result in change.







Then everything clicked. Those that were living through the Holocaust didn't need to give themselves "pep talks" on what was the right thing to do in those times. They knew. They were there. They would have given up their only piece of bread of the day just to be able to daven to Hashem openly in a Shmonah Esrai. And I? I wait until the very last second until I feel the guilt of missing a Mincha. Sometimes the guilt might not even motivate me as much as it used to. Now I'm trying to hold onto it, because how could I turn down a golden opportunity of talking to my creator? Over a lot of thought, I've realized why some friends didn't understand my desire to go back to Poland for a second time and why every trip needs fresh preparation. I think it is the difference of those who know the details of those who sacrificed and those who forget that we have it so easy today.





Now, I still need to fight my yetzer hara numerous times a day and still it's hard to remind myself how easy it is to be Jewish, how easy it is to learn Torah, how easy it is to Daven. Still tons of conflict inside. But then I remember how it was crystal clear to them, right from wrong, when evil was staring them in the face and my challenges? Not so hard anymore? Still hard, but now, now I enjoy being a Jew, because I learned what it means to sacrifice, to yearn for our

redemption, and what it means to be selfless. We all have struggles in life and they're all hard, but what matters most is that we are always striving to be better.